9 Expert advice to improve the relationship
Many people are looking for a miracle formula that teaches them how to save their relationship. However, only with daily changes will it be possible to contribute positively to the future of the relationship. To help couples, our experts answered key questions from readers on the subject. Check it out:
1 - I need help with my relationship, I'm very anxious and nervous. This is really messing up my marriage. How do I solve this problem?
"First thing is to identify what is making you very anxious and nervous, so that you can go straight to the problem and try to change. "said psychologist Luciana Kotaka.
According to the doctor, if the person can not change the sensation that bothers him so much, it is necessary to seek a therapy. "So you can talk about it and work on the issues that need to be changed so it does not affect your marriage."
2- What do I do to not be so jealous of my partner because in another relationship I had betrayed and today I'm afraid that it will happen again?
"At first we can be realistic and understand that jealousy does not prevent betrayals, in fact, too jealousy only disturb relationships. However there are things that we know in theory, but in practice it is a bit more complicated to act, and therefore I do not really expect all your jealousy to be resolved by what I started in the answer. Jealousy comes from insecurities, mistrust, thoughts that permeate the head of someone who feels jealous "It's important that you can have your life too, so you can let your partner have your freedoms." When everything is within the expected you have to create fantasies, unless you really are not all right inside you. And when that happens, you can and should seek help from a psychologist, so you can strengthen your self-confidence, stop thinking about the other something you have lived in the past, and do not let your insecurity get in the way of a relationship you can give
3 - Is there a possibility of a good relationship between two bipolar people?
"Yes, once with adequate medical-psychological treatment and controlled disease, there is this possibility. In addition, as in any other relationship, there has to be good dialogue, respect for limitations and tolerance on both sides, "psychologist Stanly Huang revealed.
4- How to maintain a long-term relationship and erase some words that have been badly placed?
"In all relationships there are good times and others not so good. The best remedy is forgiveness, seeking to strengthen the positives and minimizing the negatives. But there is no magic, it's a long process that you and your partner need to learn, "said psychologist Angélica Cristina Strauss Galvão de Souza.
" Long-lasting relationships, to be healthy, require partners to words already spoken can not be erased, but can be re-signified with new words that are more honest and that come loaded with affection! If both parties open up for this transformation, "commented psychiatrist Tatiana Maria Sanchez.
An alternative in this case is to seek out a specialist to conduct a couple therapy, to strengthen that union and to end the past misunderstandings. 5. I am jealous to the point of wanting to give up the relationship, and for some moments I hate my partner, what should I do?"Being jealous is a sign that something is not right and because you want to give up because of jealousy, it shows that you are tired of this feeling and can not fight it. It is a good sign that you do not have the You might seek to try individual psychotherapy for you, in which you might find a balance for your feelings toward your partner. In this therapy, the psychologist will do the evaluation and if necessary,
6- Comfort zone can be detrimental to long relationships
"It is very common for people to confuse the stability and comfort of a relationship with the loss of pleasure. in fact, the opposite of passion is boredom, it is in it that we have to watch ourselves.A stable life with routines (couple, children, work, study, home) need not be tedious. necessary and fundamental so that one can build and conquer things in life and can even be a collaborator for creations and novelties, "commented psychologist Raquel Baldo.
According to the psychologist, what makes a relationship tedious is the lack of vitality : lack of dreams, lack of desire, lack of commitment and desire to do more, lack of praise, lack of seeing the other and himself. Many couples become boring because they have been together for a long time, have a good record, have many concerns about life (which makes them very energetic) and believe that every relationship but it is not true and does not have to happen, "he reported.
7- When is lack of sex a problem in the relationship?
" Sex is an instinctive and natural act of beings In addition to the instinctive movements and stimuli that we possess, sex is also given a cultural, social and personal this can be seen and lived in different ways, "psychologist Rachel Baldo revealed.
" So, we can think that an active and pleasurable sexual life is fundamental to the health and continuous construction of and a loving relationship, because it is part of the range of desires (to desire and to be desired) that a human being needs in order to live well. "
According to Raquel, there are relationships without sexual desire, in which people supply
"When we talk about friends it seems all right, but when we talk about a couple we must reflect if this relationship does not need to be because the lack of desire, then the lack of sex, can be an indicator that the relationship has become routine and bureaucratic, has become a friendship or even can be based on platonic fantasies that can generate immense anguish or frustration when reality "9-" Fear of love can be a consequence of past experiences? "
" The concepts we form about love in our lives are directly linked to the experiences we had since our birth. Love comes very early in our life and happens through experiences of growth, through food, shelter, protection. The lack of these experiences (whether the lack of care or the way of care), the existence of aggression or even overprotection are movements that can influence and determine how we will relate in our lives, "said psychologist Raquel Baldo. "The way we love or not and the way we are willing to receive love or not has a structural basis already in existence since the earliest childhood in our lives. And that is why there is such a difficulty to act in a concrete or technical way, because it depends not only on knowing or not knowing, doing or not doing, but on something that is much more intimate and profound: the self of each person, completed.
9 - How to keep the flame of the relationship burning with the passage of time?
"There is no ideal frequency for having sex, it varies for each one, so each couple should keep an open dialogue, in which each one can expose their needs and how much is satisfied with the sexual life.With the time of coexistence it is common for the number of relationships to diminish, therefore, besides valuing the quality of the relationships, it is also necessary to devote special attention to the desire and to increase the sexual life. we may think that there is a recipe that works for all couples, but in general some care has shown to be beneficial for the couple's sexual life, "said psychologist Janaína Reis.
In order for the couple to improve their routine, psychologist has revealed some tips: try not to put up hurts and resentments, have time to do something you like, express your desire for the other, accept your desire and involve your partner including in your fantasies, besides and do not wait for the ideal time to make a surprise.
It may even be cliche to want to live close to the beach, but in this case there is a very good justification: a study published in Health & Place points out that living near the sea decreases the stress load. According to the researchers, who focused on study in Wellington, New Zealand (with a magnificent coastline inclusive), people living near the ocean have a better quality of life than those who live in the city or in the country.
Stress can affect people of any age. "The body of a pregnant woman exposed to stressful events produces certain substances that affect the brain of the fetus and modify its structure, influencing neurodevelopment," explains the child psychiatrist Arthur Kummer, a professor at the University Federal University of Minas Gerais (UFMG).