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Couple needs to adapt to the arrival of the first child

Couple needs to adapt to the arrival of the first child

I went to watch the play "The Story of Us 2", which deals with a couple in crisis after the birth of their child. The one who indicated the play was a mother of my mother-baby group, who said she identified with the story. I had to go check it out. It's a comedy, but like all games, it has a real background. So I could understand why this play has so touched the hearts of women in the puerperium (postpartum phase).

That the couple's relationship changes after the birth of the child is obvious. But does it have to be so complicated as shown in the play, and how have I seen it with a large number of women I know?

Alexandra Richter and Marcelo Valle capricham in the interpretation of Lícia Manzo's text. They interpret a couple like so many we know: if they know each other, they marry and, one day, they discover that they will be parents. The news drops like a bomb. In real life, it's just like this: the discovery of pregnancy brings mixed feelings.

You can not lose sight of the fact that, in addition to the baby, man and woman also need care. They need to take care of each other!

As much as the couple wants their son, knowing that he is in the mother's belly and in a few months will be in the arms of the two can tie a knot in the head of the woman and the man. By table, the couple can enter into crisis. It is necessary to reorganize the relationship to enter this new phase of body and soul. Man and woman, now, will also be the father and mother of a defenseless child and dependent on them for a long period of time. This can cause a lot of fear and insecurity.

In the play, the big problem of the couple after the birth of the child is the sex life, which is in the background. The woman lives in her nightgown, with a horrible bun on her head and a diaper of dirty cloth hanging over her shoulder. And of course, dead tired of the demands of the baby and the house. The man goes out to work and when he returns to his wife, he only finds his mother. "Where is the woman I married?" He asks himself. Therefore, the man begins to stay in the street, to go out with friends and to have children's attitudes while the woman expects that he is more mature and participative, assuming his role of father

What I am going to write is a little cliché, but is exactly what can save the relationship: dialogue, dialogue and more dialogue between the couple. Each one exposing their feelings, without one throwing blame for the problems in the other, is critical. You have to put yourself in the other's shoes. Being empathic makes a good difference. Only by perceiving the feelings of each one, their needs and obligations arising from this new reality, that it will be possible to find a solution.

Pushing the problems with the belly does not lead to anything, in fact, can lead to the separation of the couple. The timing is difficult for both of us. For the woman, mainly, due to the physical and emotional overload. It is natural for a man to fall into the background, because of the baby's needs, and to feel abandoned. Therefore, it should not be forgotten that, in addition to the baby, man and woman also need care. They need to take care of each other!

Enjoy that little visit that grandma or dindinha do from time to time and leave the baby with them. Trust the people who support you daily. Get out alone! Not even to take a juice on the corner holding hands, as in dating!

Gradually, this difficult phase is falling behind. It is a difficult time, but if well conducted by the couple, does not become a lifetime. And it is possible to make it easier and, why not, with sex. If there is love and desire to be together, it is worth investing in the man and the woman who once were a day and let the father and mother naturally arise, who will now also inhabit the life of each one of you.In short, it is one thing to be a father and a mother; another is to be a husband and wife. One role can not prevent or nullify the other. No matter how hard it is to integrate these two things in a harmonious way, this is an objective that must be followed with determination, courage and, above all, complicity. Son thanks, father thanks and woman thanks!

Thank you for reading this article. My goal as a mother, a psychologist and a person in love with motherhood is to bring reflections that lead people to happier experiences. Until the next fortnight!


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