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Double therapy: the difficult task of reviewing the relationship

Double therapy: the difficult task of reviewing the relationship

"People, my daughter, are like almanacs. You never find what you're looking for, but it's always worth looking at" (Zelda Fitzgerald, This waltz is mine.)

I tend to be sought by couples as the last resort to regain the relationship. They have already made trips, they have changed of house, they decided to have a son, they changed of city. They tried (almost) everything. They were fundamentally related to the external factors of the relationship and, often, the problem persisted.

The fact that it is the latter option, contrary to what one might think, does not make couple therapy the soundtrack for the end of the relationship. Instead. When the couple seek a therapy for two, it's because the relationship is very much alive.

I have a "Zelda Fitzgerald" spirit when I go through the process of analyzing a couple. Every time I open the office door with great curiosity and already during the first session, the eyes I see are more alive and bright than ever - yes, those who seek always shines. I feel well studied, and silently I hear myself questioned. " - How does this analyst who does not know each of us understand our personal idiosyncrasies and at the same time understand how they interfere with our dynamics as a couple?". They quickly realize that they are not in court, forced to testify, but have come freely to the office. And I make it very clear: in a husband and wife quarrel, he does not go to the mall except when asked. It must be clearly stated that in a loving relationship, the two components of the couple are victims of the unconscious leads to mismatch.

Throughout life, each one builds his or her own psychic history, and in the office the analyst deals with two of them. More than that, he needs to understand how a third psychic entity has formed, which is the dynamics of the couple.

To do so, some key questions arise. Who are the two together? What is repeated in the relationship? What brought them together? What threatens them at the moment? After all, it is very painful to feel that the promise of happiness of the past no longer makes sense. Psychoanalysis shares the fact that there is a fantasy telling us that we are one half who wants to find their other part to be happy and complete. This sensation is evident when the couple resume, in therapy, the moment they fell in love, when their psychic histories meet. During this magical process, they remember that there seemed to be no differences between them and that love gave meaning to the inexplicable. When they come into contact with their feelings, they realize that words are not capable of accounting for their entire gamut. In therapy it is possible to understand that we fantasize a lot about each other and that, in most cases, each of the passionate parties is more interested in finding out how the other can satisfy their wants and needs. installs on the couple when this fantasy of completeness falls to the ground. The elements that trigger this process are diverse. Issues related to sexuality, such as frigidity, impotence or premature ejaculation. Other times, the birth of a child, unemployment, change of city.

Double therapy responds to different causes and times. It is part of its dynamics to accompany the changes in social relief. Nowadays, when it is said that a couple knocked at the office door, we do not refer to weddings in church or in a notary's office. Nor do we speak only in heterosexual relationships. But, attention! The sessions do not lead to separation or reconciliation. It must be clearly stated that in a loving relationship, the two components of the couple are victims of the unconscious plot that leads to mismatch. The feeling of failure is not easy even for the one who has stopped loving. And the ways to review a relationship are not miraculous. Although it is a short work for the standards of psychoanalysis, on average, four months in duration, couple therapy in some cases frustrates the patient who wants an immediate solution.

However, it is possible to speak at the end of this process when there is a more real look for the partner. The therapy is completed when the couple realizes that there is an unconscious agreement between them; thus failing to blame each other for suffering in the relationship. When one stands in the other's place, the relationship becomes more creative and each of them can reinvent itself. Ultimately, couple therapy ends the moment each part of the "orange" decides to follow its life, together or separated from the other and knowing that the only really irreplaceable person is itself. We should be aware that even though we are incomplete as an almanac, we should be looking. It's always worth a look.


Mother reports her empirical delivery within a car

Mother reports her empirical delivery within a car

About 11 weeks before the expected date of birth, little Ean Jamal decided it was time to come to the world. The mother, the American Raelin Scurry, began to feel contractions on August 5, with 29 weeks and four days of gestation. First she thought it was a false alarm, but as the intensity of the contractions increased, she decided to go to the hospital with the groom.

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Happily married couples get fatter together, says study

Happily married couples get fatter together, says study

Along with the passion of the love relationship, numbers on the balance. However, as much as grease bugs do, scientists have found that the problem may be a sign of a happier relationship. In a survey conducted by Southern Methodist University in the United States, scientists analyzed the level of happiness and weight of 169 newly married couples.

(Family)