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Difficulties in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Difficulties in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

The act of two people meeting, dating and marrying is part of human development. However, often the couple is composed of two people who have rooted in each other's customs, traditions, values ​​and routines very different, and these differences are responsible for the great majority of relationship problems and family conflicts. > Some couples when they live under the same roof until they can establish limits and agreements so that one respects the ideas and principles of the other. The problem is that when we marry, we do not marry only one person, but a family that includes father, mother, sister, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, mother-in-law and etc.
Culturally it is known the difficulty that many daughters- have to relate. Some spend their lives bartering, others can not talk and live in the same place and there are even some who abandon their relationship because of the constant interference of their mother-in-law in the life of the couple. This problem is not new, because according to some research carried out three decades ago, the interference of in-laws was the main reason for marital problems.
Among the main reasons for intrigues and difficulties in this relationship, it is possible to highlight the fact that the daughter- mother-in-law as a rival, the mother has the feeling of that other woman is taking away her son, the power struggle over that man, the difficulty in accepting and living with differences of opinion, the need for attention and excessive jealousy. > The mother who has a strong dependency relation with her son sees her marriage as a strong sentimental separation that easily turns into repulsion or jealousy towards the daughter-in-law, who steals her child. There may then be a tendency, often unconscious, to criticize the daughter-in-law in all her actions and gestures, multiplying advice and trying to put the child back under her influence.
Another major reason for conflict is that the child to support the mother financially, since many wives believe that their husbands are exploited, blaming it on their mothers-in-law.
The arrival of a grandchild is a decisive event, since the daughter-in-law may feel unprepared to care for a child and seek the help of the mother-in-law, or both may dispute who has the best way to care for and raise a child. At this stage, great care and attention is necessary so that the mother does not transfer her hatred to the child and the child begins to avoid her grandmother.
This relationship can get even worse when both need to live in the same residence, either because of financial difficulties the couple or because the mother-in-law is not able to live alone. The ideal would be to avoid the maximum living with relatives, so that the relationship of the couple does not wear out or suffer from external interference. But if the situation is inevitable, the ideal is that the mother-in-law does not interfere in the life of the daughter-in-law, avoid malicious phrases and in no way interferes in the fights or quarrels of the couple.
It is known how exhausting it is for both to live in this eternal conflict , but the situation is much worse for the man who stays between the mother and the wife the whole time. The role of the husband / child is fundamental in the development of the mother-in-law relationship. It is up to him to know how to separate mother's love and wife's love and put these two women in their places. Man should not give cause for conflict (such as telling what one says of the other), and if this occurs, even if he does not, he must know how to deal with it, trying to improve it through conversations with both and attitudes that show love for the wife and the mother.
But is this bad relationship good? Conflicts and problems can and should be managed in a healthy way. If both (or one of the parties) mature emotionally, they can understand each other and realize that they do not have to compete because each plays a different role in the life of man. This is likely to be a major challenge for both parties, which needs to be overcome in order to build a healthy relationship.
Milena Lhano
is a floral therapist, graphologist and iridologist. For more information, contact: (11) 2910-4897 / [email protected] / //lhano.blog.uol.com.br


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