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Difficulty in relating can be a sign of male insecurity

Difficulty in relating can be a sign of male insecurity

Everyone knows at least one woman who has ever complained about men's "escape" when they realize they are entering into a relationship. When it seems like the two of them are going to engage in a somewhat deeper relationship, things start to cool suddenly, without any explanation. And he who seemed so passionate and present, is no longer so available, stops calling, does not send messages, disappears for a few days ... What happens?

The need for freedom is much more noticeable in men. But what is this freedom like? It concerns the capacity for choice: where there is no choice, there is no freedom. We live by choices from the time we wake up until we go to sleep.

The bottom line here is that every choice implies loss, and by choosing something we are fatally leaving another choice aside. This has consequences and we have to take responsibility for them. You can not always have everything.

How to maintain a healthy marriage relationship?

In a marriage relationship, for example, if I choose to stay with someone, I will necessarily have to give up other achievements and adventures. Not all people are able to face this, which would imply having to give up the immediate and fleeting satisfaction of the desires that do not stop us from trying for something lasting and solid, but that needs constant investment. is the point that bothers many men, making it impossible for them to invest in a true relationship. How to give up your freedom and have as many women as you want at the time that suits you? For them, getting involved with someone means to stop being with so many others that they would not demand satisfactions, charges and commitment. What a scary word! It is as if the definition of commitment was: total loss of freedom, imprisonment, need to give satisfactions of what I do and where I go, end of fun with friends, goodbye to football games and Formula I races on TV, end of desire But it is not restricted to the issue of other women as well, encompassing the activities in general. "

" Jealousy - Photo Getty Images

But freedom is not restricted only to the issue of other women, encompassing activities in general. Unfortunately many couples do not deal well with the necessary individuality within a relationship, which gives rise to the false idea that every commitment restricts one's life too much. This is an apprenticeship that all of us must go through: learning to live with differences, respecting each other's space, knowing how to value moments together and not forcing others to do things they do not like just because we are a couple.

It's a myth to say that from the moment you are dating (that's right, since dating it already happens) you should do everything together and go to all places and events with your partner. At this point we can already identify a big mistake. If the woman does not like football, why do you have to accompany your boyfriend to the field or watch the games on TV? If she goes to a meeting of high school friends (a gang he does not even know), why take her boyfriend who will certainly be out of town, besides having to worry about keeping her company?

It is essential that each one has its own space, retains its activities and maintains its friends.

It is essential that each one has his or her own space, keep your activities and keep your friends. Only in this way is it possible to enjoy a harmonious coexistence, in which individual experiences and experiences are shared and, from them, the couple manages to build a healthy and healthy relationship.Turning to the question of freedom, there is some confusion when some men say they do not want to lose it. Is it really the fear of being "stuck" to something or does it relate to the inability to give in to love and experience it completely?

In this regard, I would like to cite here a passage from the book

Liquid love: on the fragility of human bonds

, by Zygmunt Bauman (Ed. Zahar): "In every love there are at least two beings, each one the great unknown in the equation of the other. Love seems to be a whim of fate - that strange and mysterious future, impossible to be described in advance, to be fulfilled or delayed, accelerated or interrupted. To love is to open itself to destiny, the most sublime of all human conditions, in which Fear merges into rejoicing in an irresistible amalgam. To open to fate means, in the last instance, to admit freedom in being: that freedom that is incorporated in the Other, the companion in love. " Our current culture preaches the use immediate of things and their disposal as soon as possible.

The same Erich Fromm (The Art of Loving, London, 1957): "Satisfaction in individual love can not be attained ... without humility, courage, true a culture in which these qualities are rare, reaching the capacity to love will always necessarily be a rare achievement. "

How hard it is to give in to something that has no guarantee of success and which requires constant care and investment . Our current culture preaches the immediate use of things and their disposal as soon as possible. This includes passenger pleasures, instant satisfaction, and, of course, the escape from anything that requires prolonged effort.

We are living a very ambivalent mood today. People preach that they want to find partners to relate to at the same time when, when they find them, they keep a safe distance so that a commitment is not signed. Fear that relationships lose their initial "freshness," their intensity, and their passion, turning into something frozen and dull leads people to not really get involved, keeping relationships loose and endurable at any time. > Insecurity - Photo Getty Images

How do I get involved with someone today and close the possibilities of knowing something better tomorrow? It is difficult to give up what I "could have", to play the choices and to experience the whole of the present!

In a relation to two, insecurity will always be present in a greater or lesser degree. We do not have control of each other's feelings - nor of ours many times - and nothing guarantees that he will remain in love or involved in this story for as long as we would like. Loving requires giving and giving to the other. The more you feel insecure about yourself, the more this will put you at risk of losing control of yourself.

So staying away is a guarantee that you will not mix with the other at the risk of losing my focus. And here I repeat what I have said on several occasions: investing in emotional self-knowledge is the best way to ensure success in your emotional relationships in general.

There is much more to be said. Ideas come to fruition, while phrases of countless relationships both of me and of friends and clients who have been with me pass through my mind as I write.

To those who do not engage in love affairs for fear of losing their freedom, my last words: you are free to choose what you consider best for your life; is free to choose to live intensely something true or to go through innumerable superficial and loose relationships; you are free to remain in suffering or seek happiness; you are free to close in on your past affective problems and traumas you have had or get out of it and take control of your destiny; you are free to relate to several people at the same time, and with none of them actually; you are free to grow alongside someone who loves you sincerely and is willing to give up through love or go it alone, lamenting for relationships that never go right.


Discussing the relationship

Discussing the relationship

Discussing the relationship is common in life to two. But before that, it is worth an individual analysis so that each one can realize the perspectives that it assumes about itself and the relationship: - Make a retrospect of the relationship and see from when things do not go well. What has hindered the relationship?

(Well-being)

Know 10 factors that shorten life expectancy

Know 10 factors that shorten life expectancy

Everyone wants to live many years, does not it? But have you ever wondered if you are adding more points against the favor in the quest for longevity? For this reason, a study by the University of California, USA, published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) in 2013 listed a number of factors that may increase the chances of death in the next 10 years.

(Well-being)