Discussing the relationship
Discussing the relationship is common in life to two. But before that, it is worth an individual analysis so that each one can realize the perspectives that it assumes about itself and the relationship:
- Make a retrospect of the relationship and see from when things do not go well. What has hindered the relationship?
-How were things and how did they become? -What were your difficulties in dealing with such situations? What are your qualities in dealing with it?
-What have been / are your difficulties in dealing with the partner since? What are your qualities?
-How do you feel about what happened? How is your self-image ever since? What is your self-criticism about it? How have you felt about your partner?
-How do you imagine the relationship in the future?
Your body feels and thinks in a unique way as your partner also has a body that thinks and feels in a unique way.
Respecting their perspectives and willing to respect the other's perspective initiate dialogue. Remember that attitudes of disrespect provoke in the emotional brain a stress that destabilizes our rational brain's ability to think in accordance with goals by triggering a cycle of attack and defense. "At first it can be difficult. a skill that needs training. "
Tips for a productive dialogue
- Choose appropriate time and place;
- Be objective, without labels or judgments. Express your feelings succinctly and put what you want. I repeat: describe without labeling. The description has to do with reality and the feelings are only yours. Thus you both direct the conversation about real events and understanding each other's feelings;
-Which you will bring your perspective use the "I" instead of "you";
-To refer to the spouse use the His name. When we hear our name the body gives more attention,
-Keep an understandable tone, so the rational brain becomes more synchronized with the emotional brain;
Example without effect:
"I have said three thousand times not to leave the wet towel on the bed.You are deaf or what I say is of no importance at all? "
Prefer :" I have said several times that I do not want you to leave the wet towel on the bed and even then, you keep leaving.It makes me bored and tired.I need to feel that I can count on you. "
In the beginning it can be difficult. But communication is also a skill, which needs training. Over time you will feel more confident and better, you will be able to live the best of the relationship without the wear and tear of the discussions.
Know that good feeling that dominates our body after sex? It is caused by the release of the hormone oxytocin, the love hormone. However, scientists at the University of Florida in the United States found that this benefit can last up to two days in our body. The survey was done with 214 newly married couples who were followed day by day for 14 days.
When we love, we want to feel loved too. This includes willingness to receive attention and frequent caring. For many people, winning gifts and being surprised by cool programs by the partner is a key part of the relationship. For others, this does not make any difference. The fact is that on Valentine's Day, these "counter-people" can have serious conflicts because they do not like to celebrate and give away for various reasons.
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