Emotional dependency: is it necessary for the other to be happy?
For those who know or follow my articles and works, you may have noticed that it is my custom, often, to analyze what the subject really wants to tell us before suggesting any thoughts about it. And I invite you to think with me again.
The word dependence suggests an idea about extreme need, not control over a physical situation or a desire or vice. We often use this term to explain the intensity and use of chemical resources such as alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, cigarettes, medicines, and chemical dependency. The emotional word, though it makes us think of innumerable situations or proposals, comes from the idea of the feeling and psychic structure of a person. So when we speak of an emotional dependence we are linking these two analyzes and this understanding. This is very important so that we can differentiate the situations of each story or person and not go around using terms, concepts or technical names to explain the daily life or turn small situations into diagnoses.
Let's start from a psychoanalytic thought that everything human being, in essence depends on another. The phase that we live the most or that becomes clear this dependence happens in childhood (since birth). In this period we are dependent physically and also emotionally. There are studies that point to the fact that we are born with some pre-psychic emotional content, but all other studies that analyze human development show us that our psychic and emotional structures will be strongly directed or even constructed and created according to what the medium will teach. Thus it must be considered that the human being is a dependent being by nature and even with his conquests and needs of independence, by self-capacity, by recognizing himself as unique and by learning to deal with his self, he unconsciously tends to repeat relationships (with people or objects such as cars, clothes, travel, work, leisure, technological equipment, internet ...) who propose to come into contact with their dependence on something or someone.
But it is emotional dependence, what it means In this case we are saying or understanding that someone has an affective dependence on someone or something and that person presents characteristics of an extreme need by this means desired or seen as an intense source of their pleasure. It is important to note that this need will generate extreme and exaggerated attitudes. The person will demonstrate a strong desire, but in the line of the inadequate and it is not a passion, because what will draw attention will be something beyond: much agony and effort to be together, fear or anxiety when far away. In addition, it is possible to perceive difficulties of logical reasoning or of common sense, to differentiate what tends to be exaggeration or not, emotional changes, interference in their habits and living conditions, leaving friends or relatives aside.
The person also feels that he can not live or be happy or be well if not in that condition, with that person, in that place, in that job, in that way, doing such thing. It is very common to associate emotional dependence only with love or fraternal relationships, but an emotional dependency is not restricted only to relationships with people. There are those who are emotionally dependent on a habit, an idea, a movement, such as travel, work, study, religion, academia.
Emotional dependence starts from an affective need, that is, a need for that person to attend a desire of his and she tries to find and maintain such satisfaction in that relationship, being a courtship or even for food. Yes for each of these dependencies it is common to have a technical name for a diagnosis, but what I am proposing here to think about is that all of these depart from the same point, the affective dependence of your EU. And that we all have in our history our most fragile point that resorts to some mania or attachment, to satisfy itself and for that we need the other or a means, so we are all dependent in some way. But only an exaggerated history and with harmful conditions deserves professional attention and monitoring.
Another valid point to bring here is the existence of codependents, that is, when the one who lives together is affected and tends to suffer together and ends up being controlled or manipulated by the condition generated by that extreme dependence.
There is no way to know if we will be dependent (in an exaggerated way) or not and not even go out evaluating the people around us for one or two points that they present, but we can try to care for or even prevent the intensities of life. Looking for ways to get in touch with yourself and to know more about yourself, your history, your feelings, finding within yourself a value that deserves to be recognized and used as a source of pleasure, as well as recognize your limitations, fragile points and emotional difficulties , in order to think about it.
The analysis or a therapy seems to be a good place to take care of these aspects, since here we are considering the emotional order. Psychic maturation depends on a few factors and involves not only wanting or not wanting, it is necessary to understand oneself, the other, the environment, the whole, what is felt, what causes and what I can do with everything that Through the ripening we are realizing. An analysis or a therapy can never promise that it will cure or eliminate such a symptom or such a picture, but it can offer through self-knowledge some healthier possibilities or that generate less injury and perhaps a greater sense of well-being and emotional balance. To conclude, I recall that the human being is a single subject always, based on its history, its life, its environment, its culture and its psyche. So I warn that we must always be very careful not to generalize symptoms and attitudes as a sign of dependency or not, generalization does not seem to be enough to answer and explain the complexity that the human being possesses. I understand that the most important thing is not an act in itself, but rather from where it was generated and what it causes, in the life of the person and the environment that coexists, that yes is a point that we should pay attention to.
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