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Excessive demands can undermine relationships

Excessive demands can undermine relationships

But leaving aside the irony, let's look at the reality that I see daily in the office: men and women complaining about the lack of parameters to guide their relationships. One of the most common marital conflicts today is one related to the "right to happiness," which each member of the couple demands of the other and the relationship as if it were a prize. So, it does not matter what kind of formal couple we're talking about - whether it's boyfriends, married couples or boyfriends living together: everyone seems to be walking the tightrope.

Being realistic, none of this is abnormal. After all, how can we feel confident in our relationship when the media tells us, all the time, that sex needs to be spectacular, that passion must grow day by day, that beauty and thinness need to be radical? And, of course, it takes a lot of money in the account, good humor, intelligence, etc. In the face of so many demands, we see men and women extremely insecure about themselves and, how could it not be, before the partner.

In the face of so many demands, we see men and women extremely insecure about themselves and, as it should be, with their partner. If we return to the love culture of some time ago, we will see that neither men nor women had so many doubts and options in their relationships. Yes, they married, had children, spent hours in front of the television and ... They ate! At last, the couples had a natural tendency to settle; selfishness that became the great villain of contemporary relations.

In previous decades, as long as man was a worker, had no vices and respected his wife, he could be considered a good husband. A woman who took good care of her children and was a good housewife was considered a good woman. In short, it has not always been so, but the nuances that make up the universe of couples are endless.

There are women with great penetration in the labor market and increasingly "modern". But what we can perceive is that, deep down, there is a great desire on the part of these women to have children and a provider husband.

It seems incredible, but for them, providers and sensitive men, capable of being romantic and understanding deeply the feminine universe are indispensable. Not forgetting, of course, that these contemporary men must know (and be willing) to discuss the relationship. A feminine desire. A project that women dream of, but rarely find. This masculine ideal still generates endless complaints on the part of the women towards their companions, who obviously are not perfect, but real and missing. What everyone wants is that through the loving relationship, the sense of loneliness felt in this (real) men are relieved to be able to count on women's participation in the household budget, but at the same time they get angry when they come home late or have to travel to work. We observe that this man (of flesh and blood) devises for himself a woman who is more companion, more caring for him, the house and the children - as his grandmothers did, and perhaps as their mothers used to do. among us: it seems hard to believe, but men have in their mother an ally in the search for a daughter-in-law "Amelia". Even the most "modern" and professionally successful mothers want their child's wife to care for and cook for him, their dearest son, first and foremost. That is, the traditional fight between daughters-in-law and mother-in-law - who would you say ?! - remains super current.

There have been many changes in the universe of love relationships, and the expectations that men and women have for each other are contradictory. What all want is that, through loving relationship, the feeling of loneliness felt in this extremely individualistic world, be softened. In spite of all modernity, we want love to eternalize! At a time when everything is so speedy and disposable, we, psychoanalysts, know that we can not attribute to external disruptions only external factors. We believe that when a person is in a coexistence with another human being, very archaic fantasies about themselves and about each other are triggered. In loving relationships, more than in any other form of relationship, our infantile fantasies of loving and being loved unconditionally come into play. Children's psychic factors often blind us and prevent us from realizing that the assurances found in the primitive relationship with the mother do not extend to the loving partner. After all, when sex and love come into play, there are no guarantees and no daily conquests.

I believe we have to accept that the other is literally another. There is a part of your inner world that is inaccessible; it is the psychic life of each one of us. As much as it is desired to know everything, it is not possible. And point.

Despite everything, with some luck, a love can still be an invaluable good, almost a gift from the heavens. Of course, while happiness does not rain from the sky, it's best to look ahead and to the side, after all, it will ...


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