How can you overcome a betrayal?

'A woman forgives infidelities, but does not forget them. The man forgets the infidelities, but does not forgive them "- Severo Catalina

Although we live in an era where everything is disposable, from objects to people, knowing the betrayal of the loving partner is still one of the greatest psychic sufferings a human being.

In infidelity it is necessary to deal with the fact that it has been deprecated.Contact with this reality causes a range of feelings that will inevitably escape from touching the greater wound: the intolerable feeling of knowing oneself limited and incompetent in maintaining love exclusivity with the partner.

I will not do an analysis of the monogamous society and I will not question whether in other cultures infidelity is experienced in another way, since, besides not being my purpose here, I do not have the answer What I know is that the reports I hear both in and out of the office speak of intense, pungent, and almost intolerable pain when I find myself betrayed.

there were only two adds to the package of pain of loss the breaking of a pact of trust that was thought to have with that person so close and intimate. To deal with this disillusionment is an arduous or even Herculean task, I would say.

For those who were betrayed at first, it does not matter if it was an escapade in an afternoon or a product of drunkenness: the shock is the same -

For psychoanalysis love is a memory of completeness, of which the navel is the most faithful witness.

What to say when you discover that your partner has had a case for months or years? Perplexity about the fact often paralyzes the joy of living. We see people who, betrayed, are unable to work or make the smallest daily commitments for days, weeks, months ...

Couples often, after much crying and breaking, try to pass a glue in the shards of the relationship and make new covenants to avoid and avoid the fear of loss. The agreements range from the proposal to try to erase the fact and begin the relationship supposedly from scratch to the proposal of freedom to be able to have other partners.

Some couples opt for partner seductions. They begin to go to swing houses or seek other ways to have sex in three or a group: a quilt is created that covers the relationship in an attempt to avoid a deeper look at what in fact bothers in itself and in the other

We know that human sexuality is vast and plastic, but if extended to many partners, it can often only become an attempt to escape the possibility of loss, plus emotional and physical risks.

Although painful, there are couples who, after the traumatic discovery of infidelity, are able to make a rearrangement where a new pact happens to account for the relationship. Already other couples ask for separation. How to explain those who decide nothing, do nothing but monothematic "discuss the relationship"?

I'm not just talking about couples who have an "apology" children and economic situation. I also speak of the numerous couples of the most varied age groups, in which each one, despite financial independence and lack of children, do not bind or untie. What binds them together?

For psychoanalysis love is a memory of completeness, of which the navel is the most faithful witness. Freud says that every human being lives a feeling of helplessness and solitude resulting from the cut between mother and child, which makes us trackers of lost completeness. This is the matrix of every love relationship. Therefore, when choosing a loving partner, we are trying to live an imaginary childish completeness again.

Separations touch on very sensitive points in personal history. All of your lifelong relationships will be affected by the way you have unconsciously experienced this loss.

When a relationship survives infidelity, couple therapy is advisable to help unravel deeper feelings that are hidden in the couple's unconscious dynamics and assist in establishing a more dignified relationship or in the process of separation.

In summary, as the Mexican writer and poet Octavio Paz brilliantly says: "Unfaithfulness in itself could not be serious, but it hurts the other deeply.This we all know from experience."

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