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How to deal with mourning for the death of a close person?

How to deal with mourning for the death of a close person?

Mourning is a process of anguish resulting from a significant loss in our lives and tends to be part of every end we experience. Contrary to what many people think and say, mourning is not a disorder or a disease, then it is not something to be cured or avoided, but understood, welcomed and elaborated (in the context of that person, that moment of life and according to the degree of relationship and impact of the loss) and sometimes professional, such as psychological, help.

It is common for people to refer to grief as a situation that needs to be resolved, left behind, and usually in a short time. This is due to the lack of understanding about the subject and the person involved in mourning. And this lack of understanding tends to be a generator of the lack of tolerance, which tends to directly impair the overcoming or readjustment of the person's life. Non-ability, or lack of management with the subject of death and mourning, ends up being, in most cases, the greatest cause of suffering, since the bereaved person ends up being pressured by the means, sometimes by herself, to leave this situation as soon as possible, assuming attitudes and movements contrary to what you feel and live in that moment.

There are pains and sufferings of more or less intense losses. And the closer we are affectionately close to the person who died, the greater the mourning. Thus, when we talk about grieving or longer grievances, we usually talk about the loss of children, parents and spouses. People who normally occupy base place (past or future) in our life and so the feeling of bewilderment is intense. Sadness is part of the feelings that make up the mourning and tends to bring with it the crying, the discouragement, the sensation of pain. Some patients compare with a feeling of numbness, body, motion, sensations and even thoughts.

Reactions to mourning

There is no standard attitude for mourning. Some people shut up, close in their worlds, move away, while others become active, they want to talk, to cry openly, to be accompanied. We must not arrest or evaluate a reaction, in and of itself, after all each human being has the right to feel and experience in its particularity. We can note that, independently of the reaction, both cases have a common need to have their pain of loss welcomed and respected. The first few days tend to be terrible, with more common uncontrolled cries, aggressive or intense attitudes, lack of appetite and sleep ... Over time, (and this time is particular to each human being), these reactions tend to gain stability, I do not talk about disappearing, but they must occur in a more organized way. And so the tendency is for mourning to fit into a person's life and stay present for some time, and may be months or years, wavering the intensities and forms of expression.

Generally, we should only alert ourselves to a concern, when the mourning process generates symptoms that suggest exaggeration in suffering and loss in life such as: abandoning employment, school, dating or marriage, not being able to worry about their children or their bills, to lose weight or to gain weight significantly, as well as frequent and intense symptomatic reactions , such as fainting, tachycardia, various pains.

The sign of exaggeration and unstructured intensity suggests the unhealthy and therefore deserving of attention and perhaps psychological accompaniment. And the accompaniment of a professional can be very welcome, for giving the person a chance to recognize their symptoms of suffering, to understand their reactions and to express their pain and thus relieve their distress.

A well-denied and well- welcome tends to generate the possibility of redoing in life, with the person coming out stronger to continue his story.How do you act in front of a bereaved?

It is a warning to those people who usually say, and usually because they do not know what to say in these situations of loss, the following sentences:? Do not cry, do not suffer, he does not want see you sad? ... We know or imagine that in most cases these lines have good intentions, it is really very difficult to see someone suffer and not be able to generate this relief. But I draw your attention here to understand that these words suggest a great disguise or even a proposal of denial of mourning, soon of loss. And at this delicate and fragile moment this is all that should not happen. For the end is already in place and it hurts.

Mourning is not a bad thing, in fact it is necessary. It is a step that we need to face, to understand, to live in order to continue living in a balanced and healthy way. So in these situations maybe everything that fits us is in fact a good hug, an offer of lap, help with bureaucratic issues or even our presence next. Showing that sadness strikes all, but that they are united there to weep and help each other in this difficult phase of life.

Does mourning vary according to the context of death?

Culturally we tend to believe that certain deaths are better or worse than others. For example, child deaths are practically unacceptable, as are teenagers, young adults, mothers and spouses. These losses usually generate a lot of sadness and intense reactions and are usually the ones that most need time and help.

Unexpected deaths, such as those caused by accidents, also tend to deconstruct a person or even a family, since sadness comes accompanied by anger, revolts, questionings and fantasies of responses that encourage or justify this interruption and intrusion into life projects.

Since illness, usually the terminal staff often work, often unconsciously, the preparation of the loss and so it is very common to experience grief even while the patient is alive. As soon as death occurs, despite the sadness it is very common that the worst moment of pain has been experienced previously during the treatment. Perhaps because the bereaved person or family has had time to remember that death exists and is part of life and that there needs to be room to deal with it. Usually family members, like the sick, seek to redeem themselves from their offenses and failures, try to fulfill dreams and desires and thus create a farewell space, alleviating guilt and fantasizing a permission for death to approach. to say, is that all these situations are true, even if more or less intense. Do not you think? And these truths deserve the chance to be understood as unique and respected in their time and manner of expression, independent diagnostic standards. Perhaps there is no better remedy than a sincere look from another person suggesting understanding and partnership, while facing the pain of reality.


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