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Jealousy is natural, as long as there is trust in the partner.
Respond quickly: What hurts more to the jealous, the discovery or the distrust? Jealousy is such a complex feeling that, as with phobias and panics, it can end up being more tantalizing in the imagination than in reality. Of course the discovery of being betrayed is very painful and certainly the greatest that a human being can feel in the subject of the heart. But to imagine the betrayal can-as incredible as it may seem-to generate similar pains and anguish.
Many of you would probably tell me that it is less painful to imagine a betrayal and its plots than to actually unravel it. But in pathological cases, such as in paranoia, the expectation of a certain outcome that does not fit, and what is worse, is postponed, ends up becoming the most unbearable of the anguish.
The pathological jealous architect hours and hours a day . His brain activity is often monothematic
In the imagination of the jealous hammer the innumerable "details" of the alleged betrayal. He truly believes and feels that he is being betrayed. "With whom is my partner betraying me? When will I be exchanged for someone who gives me more joy and love?" The pathological jealous architect hours and hours a day. His brain activity is often monothematic: he thinks all the time how and when he will catch the situation that is postponed. When he discovers something - if he finds out - he can feel a kind of relief at first. In this context there is also the end of relationships without the possibility of dialogue or forgiveness and the serious cases of crimes of passion.
The scenes can be classic: the woman czech ambiguous messages in the cell phone, fills in the pockets or in the portfolio, investigates the movement of the partner in social networks. How much jealousy can not generate a "new friend"?
Justice be done. By the way I'm writing it, it seems jealousy is the exclusivity of women. It is not. The feeling is only less lauded among educated men to dissimulate feelings. As Roberto Frejat sang, "Man does not weep neither for pain nor for love." You may not see your tears, but if you had some sort of X-ray of suffering, you would know that they also corrode (as much or more) when you imagine an opponent.
It must, however, be clarified that there are differences between female and male jealousy. Women feel, primarily, jealousy of the feeling that other women can trigger in the partner, of the affective exchanges. In the case of man, there is a concern about his virility. It is primarily painful for them to imagine the sexual relationship between their partner and another male who can satisfy it.
Origin of jealousy
But, after all, where does jealousy come from? How is it gestated within us? Why, even if everything is well between a couple, does the old and troublesome jealousy set in?
From the point of view of psychoanalysis, its origin is in the first pair formed by us, human beings: the double mother and son. The feeling of completeness that the baby feels in the mother's arms goes through a natural failure over time. The son realizes that the parade of other people in front of him demonstrates that, in fact, it is not only with him that the mother realizes itself. We say that in the early years, the child experiences jealousy in the triangle formed by her, the mother and the father. And in the absence of this, something or someone who looks away from the mother, as brothers, or work. In fact, there are a variety of other situations that indicate to the little child that the mother, when looking away, finds satisfaction elsewhere. In other words, there is no child who did not feel jealous at the beginning of her psychic development , and this is the natural course in our constitution as adults, capable of withstanding frustrations and faults in life.As children, we already have the dimension that we can be "changed" by another person. It is one of the most painful feelings a human being can feel. Each child's way of experiencing this sense of exclusion will influence his whole psychic structure, determining in adult life how that person will stand in front of love and live the fantasy of being loved or rejected. of father who can avoid this, because we do not escape the undeniable. Yes, everyone wishes, in some way, to be one with the other. However, this is impossible: we are not born siamese and each of us must account for their incompleteness. In the state of passion unconsciously each of the couple's members relives the sense of completeness rescued from the double mother and child. The happiness felt is immense and, along with it, the fear of losing the other. Over time, the illusion of exclusivity of love collapses, just as it does in the first triangle of our lives. The honeymoon must end sometime, and each of the members turns their gaze to something other than the loving partner.
Although we are talking about a very unconscious construction, it is possible to state that the way in which each child lives this phase of triangle perception will draw the presence of jealousy in their love relationship in adult life. This is why, to a greater or lesser extent, every human being feels jealous when lovingly related.
But the question that arises is the intensity of that feeling. There is "normal jealousy," in which one does not want to lose the other, but nevertheless, a relationship of mutual trust is established. But there is also "delusional jealousy."
For the paranoid, everything that happens has to do with him or his central theme. That is why we see them building a world of their own in which they are always right. When the paranoid thinks he is being betrayed, he distrusts everyone, including the one who tries to convince him otherwise. In this case, unfortunately, we are faced with pathological jealousy, and it will hardly be dissipated without therapeutic help.
Besides the "normal" and the paranoid, there are those who avoid the relationship to defend themselves against the possibility of feeling the love.
Psychoanalysis aside, I find Stendhal's phrase perfect: "For a good relationship to continue and be pleasant, one must not only wisely suspect but quietly conceal suspicion."
At last, let the first stone who never felt, not even a little bit, this jealous person!
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