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Open relationship requires commitment, no exclusivity

Open relationship requires commitment, no exclusivity

Many people insist that there is no real love anymore, that people do not want to compromise and that , so many people are dissatisfied with love relationships. What actually happens is that people have more freedom to engage in behavior, whereas a few decades ago they were wholly condemned to opt for separation, extramarital affairs, or freer relationships, in which both can have a social, sexual and even loving life outside

Today, however, there are more people attempting this type of love relationship known as an open relationship, in which partners have the freedom to go out with other people and to relate sexually and even lovingly with them, in this case polyamory - one of the variations of the open relationship. Psychoanalyst Regina Navarro, in her book "The Bed on the Balcony", observes that people no longer have to adapt to imposed models from outside, and therefore, increasingly opening a space where new ways of living, as well as new sensations , can be experienced. The philosophers Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir, one of the most celebrated couples in history, lived such a relationship, which lasted 50 years. This freedom was exercised through a covenant, in which they told the details of their love affairs to each other.

Women vs. Men?

Couple - Photo: Getty Images

It is no wonder that many people is totally against this kind of "agreement". One of the reasons is explained by biology. The woman has a repertoire of sexual gametes formed from birth, which mature at first menstruation. From there, it releases one egg per month. This tends to make her behave in a more selective manner than the man, who has all sperm renewed every 32 hours. That is, this explains in parts why men often prioritize the amount of partners, while women seek more lasting relationships. But that is only part of the question, since the way we are educated and our choices also have a great influence on love relationships. However, regardless of the physiological factor, the will to vary exists. Most of us have felt the urge to have a relationship with someone you care about, no matter if you love someone else. Unifesp behavior physiologist Ricardo Monezzi explains that from this idea, the concept of fidelity, as sexual exclusivity, comes out, and the concept of loyalty, which involves sincerity and companionship, comes with greater importance and strength. One of the ideas put forward by Regina Navarro is that the most varied aspects can provoke desire, but we are historically limited by the idea of ​​sexual exclusivity.

Love without possessive pronouns

"When there is doubt and jealousy, invest in this kind of relationship will not bring the least satisfaction "

The couple Heloísa Fernandes and Pedro Mascarenhas have had an open relationship for eight months. Before that, neither had experienced any such experience. "I always felt that an open relationship was the best solution, but I did not have the courage to take on something like that.I can go out with other people whenever I want, but I have a strong commitment not to leave Pedro aside. no relationship we had interfered negatively with ours, "says Heloísa. For Heloísa, this model combines with her conception of love: "we really love and believe that love exists only when the other is free to choose." The one who loves does not want the other as his possession, or as the satisfaction of their idealizations. Those who love want the other free and happy, "says the student. "Our parents do not know this, I prefer not to say it yet, because it is something they would probably understand as promiscuity," she says.Pedro, at first, was afraid of entering into this kind of relationship and thinks that the agreement should be well talked about: "Certainly an open relationship is not opposed to responsibility. I believe that in a responsible relationship they are indispensable. communication, trust and sincerity.This is the only way to love without incorporating everything good and bad that a relationship offers - including sexual satisfaction, "he says, who is 21 years old. However, he does not consider the polyamor model to be adequate, since he believes that love is a building that demands time and dedication.

João Lestrange, a teacher, has had an open relationship with Gustavo Molina Turra for four years. Today, the two live together and only embrace the open relationship after a year of dating. "We stay with other people, but there is no sentimental involvement. We always try to tell each other about other relationships and really love each other," says John. João did not get approval from his mother, but he followed that model, because he believes that he is happier that way, as long as everything is well talked about.

For those who say no

Many people have sympathy for the idea of ​​open relationship, they will not be able to live happily that way. "When there is doubt and jealousy, investing in this type of relationship will not bring the least satisfaction," says Ricardo Monezzi. Therefore, indulging in an open relationship just because you fall in love with someone who wants to exercise this model can bring enormous frustration. If someone has other relationships at the expense of their partner's hurt, you can be sure that we are not talking about a relationship. "Everything must be a conscious choice, considering that it involves very serious aspects of each one's love life," says Ricardo.


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