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Parents have a direct influence on the self-esteem of children

Parents have a direct influence on the self-esteem of children

Self-esteem is an essential value for our training. "It represents how much I like myself, how I relate to myself and, from this, how I relate to the world," explains the child psychologist Daniella Freixo de Faria, formed by PUC-SP. And it is very important that it be built from childhood, after all the child is a human being in formation and is building its base. To clarify this issue, this was the theme of Minha Viva ao Vivo, broadcast on December 3. The event was a live chat with psychologist Daniella, followed by a chat with the specialist. If you missed, check out the best chat moments here!

Sergio: I was very strict with my children, one today is seventeen and the other thirteen. I realize that they have a feeling closer to fear for me. Can I reverse this?

Mother fighting with her son - Photo: Getty Images

Daniella Freixo de Faria: Of course you can, Sérgio. Only your willingness to change already makes a big difference. With the age they are today it is possible to have good conversations, to make good combinations and when something does not work the way it should, to correct from a place of much respect and affection.

Eucelena Aparecida Silva: I have two adopted children and they are children suffered with abandonment and rejection. How to deal with them?

Daniella Freixo de Faria: You have already done the greatest action that was to bring these children into your life to give love, recognition and affection. The focus now is care and it is the move forward because many times we focus on the suffering that these children had and that we understand as suffering and fail to fulfill our role as educator because our focus is not to generate more suffering. In reality, the focus is education, love, and the formation of these two children.

Classroom: My daughter is poor at sports and is always the last to be chosen, it greatly affects her self-esteem, how can I help her?

Daniella Freixo de Faria: Two things are important. The first is to partner with the school and see if there is a variety in how to choose the teams. Schools today often change this method a lot. One hour has someone who chooses, another time the teacher draws. But the main thing is to see with her what her posture is at stake. If she is afraid of the ball, if she becomes more passive and then work with her to change that result she needs to change her posture in the field.

Camila: I have twins with completely different profiles, one with extreme self esteem and another zero self esteem . Daniella Freixo de Faria:

It is important to look at each child as unique and to be careful not to label the operation of each one of them. Avoid comparisons and recognize in these two children what they account for doing. Always focus on the needs of both.

Elson Marino Ferri: A father who shouts at his children when they do not obey, is it right, wrong or harmful? Daniella Freixo de Faria:

What happens to cry is that the child will stop what they are doing, but because they were scared and not because they understood that it is a good attitude. The child will always be in a state of alertness, it is important for the father to tell you how he is feeling in that situation and to warn that the next one will speak very angry, the cry he demonstrates uncontrolled and then the child does not learn and the distance between father and

Grace Mairy Castro: Why does my nine-year-old daughter feel so rejected, everything is ashamed and when she receives praise she cries? Daniella Freixo de Faria:

Often receiving praise is something difficult and must be learned. Praise the attitudes and the process that the child is going through intimately, not in front of other people.

Sonia: What do you do when a child says that we love other children more than he or she? Daniella Freixo de Faria:

It is important to do a rescue work, this is a request for attention and it is worthwhile to intensify the affection, this encounter, so that this child perceives that love is the same, but that the relationship with each one is different and always to help him and be there for him.

Arina: Stimulating children to play sports helps to create and develop self-esteem? Daniella Freixo de Faria: Sport gives notion of one's own body, it perceives itself in a challenge and develops, or sees the trajectory of the body. who started and got the job done. Some variants: it can be collective, it is perceived and also has the opportunity of the relationship with other children. Or it can be individual like swimming, sneakers and dancing, it will have this perception of it with itself.

Rosalia: What's the best way to talk to a 12-year-old girl that she needs to lose weight?

Daniella Freixo de Faria:

I think it's a very cool way for you to try it. that you should approach the subject like that, saying that she needs to lose weight and to say that you need to take care of our food, to do more exercises and to create the day of crap and the day of eating right and follow this. It is important for parents to do this together, to set the example and the company. Jane: The child who spends all day in school can feel less loved?

Daniella Freixo de Faria:

The important thing is to keep a good quality of meeting when you are with the child, to educate and play and not to do everything she wants. With this, this child will realize that life is like this and that not always it will have the parents, but when it has them, that time will be of quality Andrea: The fact that my son does not go well in the school, and I to complain about it, always asking him to try to improve, can it affect his self-esteem?

Daniella Freixo de Faria:

It does not affect, but just complaining does not help much. Why do not you try to put together a scheme of study, show that first he has to take care of the duties and then he can play and mainly help you to create the habit of studying. It's no use not helping and then just criticizing. Cynthia: I feel my eleven-year-old daughter sometimes saddened not to be one of the popular girls at school, what does she not feel like?

Happy children - Photo: Getty Images

Daniella Freixo de Faria: I think the most important thing is to demystify this story of being popular, this is a belief, we do not even know if these children will be friends of theirs. Instead of doing this, why not invest in friendships, invest in three school friends, for example, and encourage your little girl to call them to go home, to participate in it. Why often children do not know how to generate intimacy and we can help by encouraging a closeness out of school. When the other kids start seeing how cool she is with these friends they might want to get closer too.

Janine Castro: How to Improve the Self-Esteem of a Teenage Girl Surrounded by Media by "Models of Perfection"?

Daniella Freixo Faria:

One option is to offer other references, take some of the front of the TV, perhaps to say that there are resources for these people to look so beautiful, like photoshop, and the most important is to tell your daughter to focus on your best. Looking for an actress or singer is cool, but it's not your daughter yet. It is possible to tell your daughter that she can take care of her skin, feed herself better, but the most important thing is to love her very much. Adriana Ciqueira: Surnames, derogatory remarks and comparisons made by parents can influence the self-esteem of children and adolescents?

Daniella Freixo de Faria:

It can mess up a lot. Nicknames represent a derogatory irony, it's a joke that is not really a joke. A joke is only a joke when two people are having fun. The nickname, other than by name or that she likes, there is discomfort and is a sign and that the child may feel bad. The derogatory comments may make the child think that it is something that is not, after all it is a human being in formation. We compare to help normally, but when this happens between siblings, the two children can get into competition as well. And comparisons lead the child to have their references outside of themselves, wanting to be better than others and not being better than they already are. When I have to look at the neighbor to locate me, my reference is out of me, and self-esteem occurs when that reference comes in. Renata: What do not to affect the children's self-esteem in a separation? Daniella Freixo de Faria:

Take care of the relationship between this husband and wife so that they always respect each other. Understand that the only reason they will continue to talk for the rest of their lives is this child. The child at the moment is very fragile, yes, it is a matter of emotional security even if she asks if her life with these people she loves so much will continue in the same way. But it will continue the same way, in the sense of love and this importance. When she realizes she has both and they are happier, she calms down. But the initial process calls for more meetings, presences and welcome. It is a sensitive phase in which she is at a time when the references she has dismantled and this calls for care.


Friendship at school improves children's behavior

Friendship at school improves children's behavior

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(Family)

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