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Parents who spend a lot of time away from children need to reinforce affection

Parents who spend a lot of time away from children need to reinforce affection

World Cup rolling and for many players of the national team, the mood is longing. Between the period of concentration and games, there are more than 30 days away from the family.

During the match, owl parents also come into action and what is not lacking are demonstrations of affection. An example of this was the scene played by player Luis Fabiano, who dedicated his goal in the match against Ivory Coast to his daughter Giovana who celebrated his six years.

Another player suffering from the distance of the pimps is Kaka. On June 10, the son of the ace, Luca, turned two years old. Concentrated with the selection in South Africa, the middle passed the date away from the eldest.

mother and son

Mas Kaka and Luis Fabiano are not alone. Like them, many parents suffer from homesickness. For the child psychiatrist of Unifesp, Vera Zimmermann, the physical presence of the parents in their children's lives is an organizing element of the bonds that must be built throughout life, so it must be respected. "If the distance between parents and children becomes frequent, some situations that are determinant in the necessary affective and hierarchical relationship between them are no longer lived, so the way is to try to construct them who does not improvise, "explains Vera.

It is in childhood that the bases are built

We learn to like, divide and respect our neighbor in the childhood phase. It is in the family relationship that values ​​build and shape our personality. For this process to occur in a healthy way, the physical and emotional presence of the parents is essential and should be maintained whenever the child needs care and attention.

"There is a father and a mother who thinks that being present on the special dates is already enough to stay present, however, these dates are not always important for children who would often like day-to-day attention at some specific stage of their lives rather than on some special date, "he explains. > "The right thing is to always be around, but if this is not possible, it is best to be present at times when the child asks and not what parents deem most important," says the specialist.

Positive reinforcement

Parents and children

When the father or mother is away from home, the ideal is that the one close to the child reaffirm the presence of the other through positive reinforcement.

According to Vera, this recognition does the child learn to work the sense of rejection the. "The absence will be felt by the child anyway, but if there is a positive representation in relation to the missing figure, the traumas will be smaller. Try saying something like: 'if your father sees this he'll be proud'; 'his mother is far , but it keeps an eye on everything you do 'and so on.This helps to shorten the emotional distance and lessen the nostalgia,' he suggests.

Rejection x professional obligation

Often the absence of parents can be understood by the children as rejection. The child, who can not understand that the distance is caused by the professional obligation of the father and not by the will to leave it alone, ends up closing in a world of its own and this can cause problems. the absence of the father means a lack of affection for her, can grow up with serious problems of relationship both in school, with friends, and in life to two and even later with her children. a qualitative participation, since quantitative is impossible, to compensate the moments of absence with conversations, games and much affection, so that she understands its importance in that family ", explains Vera.Putting limits

Another aspect that is greatly impaired by the absence of one or both parents is the question of limits. Especially as a teenager, it takes a lot of care and girdling to establish rules and guide the steps of the children.

UNIFESP's child psychiatrist explains that the best way to keep authority even apart is to remain present, even if "

" Many parents find that compensating for distance is turning a blind eye to the mistakes of their children, which are the not to impose the limits necessary for them to mature.The most correct thing is to stay close in some way and to make clear the limits that the child must respect, "he explains.

Natural Absence

If Absence of Parents Hurts in childhood and leaves sequels in adolescence, over time, can become natural in the sight of children.

The consequence of this may be a certain difficulty of the child to deal with closer relationships in adulthood. "If I grow up feeling that absence is natural within the family hierarchy, I may have difficulty understanding the importance of being present and feeling overwhelmed or burdened by it as an adult."

Shortening distances

Parents and children

If you can not be around for 24 hours a day like all parents would like, how about using creativity and participating in children's lives at a distance?

The idea is to create an affective and stable relationship even if separate, then phone, send torpedoes, leave notes, make surprises, record a video, stay in touch with school and friends and always make it very clear how much you love your child.

"If the child feels loved A good tip is to establish dialogues in which the child can share his anxieties, anxieties, and uncertainties with his parents without fear of being alone at any sign of danger. Always call re in the combined schedule and to maintain a relaxed dialogue helps to show attention, dedication and affection ", explains Vera.

" Affection builds on the quality of shared moments, not quantity. It is possible to make the absence a form of approximation, as long as you always enjoy the contact with the child to demonstrate how special it is, "says the specialist.

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