Questions that every mother should not fail to make to her children
Being a present mother is not only about being on your children's side in good times and bad, but knowing how to dialogue and ask the right questions to get involved in the life of the child or adolescents, becoming more participatory in the creation and coexistence with them. According to psychoanalyst Blenda Marcelletti, one of the important dialogues between parents and children is about freedom within the family for the discussion, debate and availability of parents to hear and contribute to the expansion of knowledge about life, relationships and about the environment.
When children are very small, it is up to the parents to observe children's daily activities. The most playful situations are excellent opportunities for free dialogue and no pressure on the school, little friends and routine at home. "It is important for parents to ask their children without intending to watch over them, but with a genuine interest in them." Children learn how to respond by the way they are asked. and create a pattern of response not always consistent with what actually occurs, "says specialist Blenda Marcelletti.
Five Questions to Ask Children:
Mother and Child - Photo Getty Images
Five Questions to Ask Children:
1.What did you dream about today?
With this question opens a space to talk about the importance of fantasy life to children. If you show that you understand your child's "world of imagination," he feels closer to you and is more willing to share both what he dreams and what he imagines with his own creativity.
2. Are you alright?
According to psychologist Blenda Marcelletti, dialogue about emotions can begin with this simple question. Knowing how your child is, you can tell if he is happy with his school, his friends, and even his relationship with his little brothers.
3. What more do you want / want?
"Asking about your child's desires causes you to initiate contact with what you are looking for. In this way, freedom from desire and property every desire, "emphasizes Marcelleti.
" It is important for parents to search their children without intending to watch over them, but with a genuine interest in them. "
4. What makes you so angry or so agitated?
Reprimanding the child when he or she is agitated or angry does not help to understand the real cause of this behavior. "This question makes the child learn to know, to name and deal with negative feelings without guilt," says the psychoanalyst Blenda.
5. How was your day?
Parents should be aware that their children play a lot, alone or in a group. "It is through the joke that he acquires several important concepts: cooperation, division, care and learning", explains the psychologist Blenda Marcelletti. According to psychologist Milena Lhano, in addition to asking about it, to find out more about the lives of young children, it is important to always be close to them, supervise jokes, watch TV shows and movies together, and meet friends and teachers. "During this follow-up the child should have his preferences observed, as well as being educated, guided and supported, and not 'monitored', criticized, threatened and demoted." What to ask?
Adolescence is still a milestone loaded with adult-created beliefs and stereotypes. Most parents feel a certain fear of starting a dialogue and letting issues arise spontaneously. "Any question about these issues can be asked, the most important is how they will be done, what tone and situation they will put in. Parents do not always know the boundary between care and intrusion in adolescent intimate areas, so some adolescents refuse to talk, lie or resort to isolation, "explains psychotherapist Blenda Marcelletti.Mother and daughter - Photo Getty Images
Any of these situations brings remoteness as an unwanted consequence. It is fundamental for parents to create situations of closeness and freedom for their adolescent children to feel accepted. "Moral, long and uninterrupted speeches only generate distance, and the adolescent, as an excellent observer, learns quickly how to respond in order to get rid of the 'interrogation torture', warns the specialist. to be created and fulfilled, in addition to showing their children the value of the binomial "responsibility and freedom", often a source of confusion.
Four questions to ask adolescents
"Moral, long and uninterrupted speeches only generate distance between parents and teenagers "
1. How did you spend your day?
According to the psychoanalyst Blenda Marcelletti, care should be redoubled when parents talk to teenagers. Adolescents are excellent observers of adult behavior. "When they realize that interest in subjects is to increase control or prohibitions, they often lie, distort or keep a distance, avoiding any situation of proximity," says Blenda. Parents should make sure they are open to listening, and this seemingly "banal" question is a way to start a conversation without addressing a specific subject.
2. What friends do you most like?
What do they have that you admire? Social life and the way the teen builds their friendships has enormous value for him. "By asking this, parents can better understand the values and beliefs that are present in the adolescent's daily life," explains Marcelletti.
3. What is your opinion on this subject?
According to psychologist Milena Lhano, it is important to talk about limits, friendships, sex, drugs, pregnancy, studies and profession. Adolescents should be guided about everything that will become part of their universe from now on and it is preferable that it be guided by those who have gone through these experiences. Initially, children may be embarrassed to be approached by these topics, but parents who are calm, patient, and natural about the subject will be able to "break the ice."
Asking their opinion on any subject, showing that you are only "chatting," it is possible to create an open dialogue, and even guide, without your child feeling pressured.
4. What would you do if you were in the place of your parents, your teacher, or your friend?
With this inquiries you are better aware of the values your child is nursing. "Placing oneself in another's place is an important exercise for citizenship," emphasizes the psychoanalyst Blenda Marselletti.