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Reality shock can cause post-wedding depression

Reality shock can cause post-wedding depression

The party, the dress, the cake, the flowers, the invitations, the buffet . These are months of preparation until the wedding day arrives. But after the party and the nuptial euphoria, some bride and groom can go through an uncomfortable moment that culminates in the question: What now? The feeling of emptiness, apathy and annoyance - more frequent in women - is characterized as post-marriage depression, which is not considered a disease but an emotional state. "Post-marriage depression is a reality clash that people face. When it comes to the responsibilities of marriage, it can be distressed and helpless," says the cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist at Unifesp Karina Haddad Mussa, a specialist in behavioral medicine and neuropsychology.

Like postpartum depression, the problem is serious and if left unresolved, it can become a drag on the couple's new life. "After the party, the newlyweds need to be prepared to face the bills to pay, the division of roles and the conviviality with the other's faults. This can be a frustration when the person is not ready to face reality," he said. says Karina Mussa.

"After the party, the newlyweds need to be prepared to face the bills to pay, division of roles and conviviality with the other's defects."

The problem may come when the person does not is prepared to deal with the changes. If she had lived with her parents before and had relative comfort and the house was always full of people, with married life, the house is empty and she needs to worry about solving day-to-day affairs like the purchases of the month and the accounts for paying.

So the so-called post-marriage depression is the result of external economic and social factors, but mainly of internal factors, as the psychotherapist explains: "People who over-idealize marriage, that is, project in the partner's dreams and expectations, they suffer a much greater shock when something goes wrong and they go through a phase of disenchantment. "

Emotional Dependency

Idealizing something that is about to happen is not uncommon, let alone wrong. The problem is when this gets out of hand and ends up causing the owner of those expectations to end up living in a condition of dependency. "When a person is very poor, has low self-esteem, is immature or selfish, she is dependent on the partner." This situation is bad because it brings charges, quarrels and wear and tear, "says Karina Mussa.

Marriage is the event that celebrates the division of roles, is renunciation, giving, knowing how to listen, learning to live with the other.

couple - photo: getty images

"When you get married, you are also, in a certain way, in the same way that you are, , celebrating the "psychological death" of an old identity.You left your parents' house, you stop being the daughter, the sister, to become the wife, the husband, the person who takes care of the house and who must take on new responsibilities " , explains the specialist of Unifesp.

Among these responsibilities is the maintenance of love, which needs cultivation, attention and availability. "In marriage, we must always give our best, but the exaggeration can bring extreme situations, such as jealousy and insecurity. You must always be confident and have control of your own life, even in life to two," says the psychotherapist .

Cinderella Syndrome

Post-marriage depression can affect both men and women, as it depends much more on the characteristics of each and the level of idealization and expectations that the person is expecting from marriage. However, women carry with them historical and cultural aspects that still condition female behavior. In general, women still dream about their enchanted princes and expect everything to be perfect, so they end up suffering a lot more. "Women, until recently, were brought up for the" perfect "marriage. Many are still in a transitional phase, in which they go out to work and are independent, but they take on the role of maid when she marries," says Karina Mussa.

To avoid the scares in the life of newlyweds, the ideal is to reinforce the intimacy with the partner and not to take your feet off the ground. "Knowing the other person well can ease the problems that arise in living together." Design good things for the new phase, but also try to think about the problems that will arise with marriage responsibilities, from financial to psychological. flexibility in the face of life to deal with the changes that are needed, "suggests Karina.

For those in the turmoil

post-wedding depression - photo: getty images

You just got married, but you're feeling sad? This can be solved by having a good conversation with the partner and the necessary adjustments. If the problem is more serious than it sounds, keep an eye on it, you may need to follow up with a professional.

Karina Haddad clarifies that postpartum depression is not a disease like other types of depression. Most of the time it's just the initial shock or the sadness of not being able to deal with new situations. However, if the person is discouraged, sad all the time, does not eat right, has no desire to leave the house and does not sleep right, she may be developing a real depression. "The person who has depressive symptoms, did not get them because of the marriage, probably already had some antecedent." Psychological and, if necessary, medical assistance is also important to look for the causes of the problem, "says Karina Mussa.