Spoiled child denounces parents' laziness
You must have seen or experienced the following scene: in the supermarket, a child struggles on the floor , cries, screams, while the mother, in general, is usually quite ashamed with all the glances that turn to her and to that little being so loud, whose will was not promptly answered. The behavior is typical of spoiled children, seen as a problem. But how to avoid them? Much of the origin - and the solution - is in the hands of the parents themselves.
The fact that a father, a mother (or both) spoil their children goes through many factors and ranges from overprotection to a certain negligence. "Instead of imposing limits and spending energy arguing with the child, the easiest way out is to fulfill their desires," says psychologist Patrícia Spada.
Other issues that result in the spoiled child include: the mother with a high level of anxiety, that is, for fear of something very bad happening to the child; parents who took too long to get pregnant, and when the baby comes, he is treated like a bibelô (something fragile, that risks breaking at any moment) and the rivalry between the couple, causing them to dispute the son's love, O. What also weighs is the immaturity of adults because they think that a beloved child is the one who will have everything the parents did not have and a little more, among other reasons.
The effects of mime
The mime is the not setting clear boundaries and attending to all the child's desires, anticipating him not to become frustrated, protecting him from the natural and inherent sufferings of life. "It is family attitudes that can induce a child to behave at risk not only in adolescence, but even when he or she is an older child," says psychiatrist Patrícia Spada.
Parents of spoiled children tend to be overly lenient and seek guess what the next wish of the child should be. When he grows up, his chances of not respecting rules are enormous. After all, she was raised as a little "mistress of the world" - whatever she wants, whatever she wants. "In the future, they can even develop delinquent behavior, when they often become group (since they were treated like authority or royalty all their life), mistreating, harming or, at the very least, despising others who do not agree with their way of thinking and acting ", Patricia points out.
Influence begins early
From birth, the baby is susceptible to temperament, positive and negative experiences of the parents, the affective models they had, among other factors that will certainly influence and interfere in the relationship between parents and children. parents may, in fact, disrupt the overall adequate development of the child, such as: overprotection or when the contact with the child is maintained in an intense and continuous way, whether it is sleeping with them, breastfeeding them for much longer than recommended by the Brazilian Society of Pediatrics (it is essential until the sixth month of life) and, mainly, limiting the child's contact with other people or with other babies.
According to the specialist Patrícia Spada, habits are that will prevent the the beginning of the baby's perception that the world is not just the mother or the father but is filled with other interests - a fact that may leave parents very threatened in relation to the loss of their child's affection.
Another parent's attitude, often related to abandonment, but disguised by totally liberating behavior, is the super permissiveness, which consists in doing everything the child wants, without ever setting limits or positioning him, explaining reasons for not being able to do something. > "In the case of babies, a situation that demonstrates this is when parents advance to their child's desires, and readily try to satisfy him, not infrequently, in relation to food. Thus, the child cries or makes a point of complaining and the parents immediately give him food, without even giving him the chance to perceive and feel if he is really hungry or not and know his satiety point, "says Patricia. >The power of "No"
It is about two years of age that the child learns to speak "No". It is a natural discovery, but because of ignorance, parents face it for fear of losing their authority and a vicious circle is generated: the child tries to get hold of their desires and words newly discovered in order to develop their own mental world or their identity and, on the other hand, the fearful parents do not accept and much less understand this phase and prefer to say "No" to stay with the final word. This is where the attacks of the little ones begin. "The child begins to have real angry attacks to assert itself, whose limit to the tantrum is a thin and fragile line," adds the Unifesp specialist.
When parents do not have their own emotional issues well-made, it is easier for them to blend in with the child's emotions and thereby project their unfulfilled desires and frustrations into it. From this point of view, any age is an age at risk for disinheriting children. "Each stage of life requires parents to be firm, affectionate, and well-placed in their limits, avoiding future behavioral disorders," Spada warned.
Parents' behavior not to impose limits on getting rid of the problem is one situation is more common than previously thought. In general, parents allow their child to do everything they want on the condition that they do not bother them. "It is what we call superpermissivity and one of the consequences is the indiscipline of the child," says the specialist.
There is a cure!
Re-education is always possible, as long as parents really want it and are willing to inevitable consequences of changing attitudes, as well as the child's resistance to losing the throne (false and harmful) in which he has always lived.
The school usually calls parents to seek professional help, as it is in the social environment of the child that the deviations of conduct appear more frequently, and at times the parents themselves perceive that everything is already out of control, and even they can not bear it any longer. professional psychologist to help the child develop and take full advantage of their potential.
Check below the tips of the specialist Patrícia Spada to avoid the spoiled child at home:
When the child does not accept to eat what is on the table and makes tantrum
Resorting this part of a good communication of the child with the parents. The problem is that the sides are not speaking the same language and usually there is great manipulation on the part of the child. There is, in fact, a risk that the child will not eat, weaken, become ill, and she feels and perceives her mother's insecurity and fear about it. If the mother can not translate this emotional climate, it will be a sickle-cell war, as both will tend to show the other the strongest, and of course the child may be at risk.
In these cases, it is indicated that the mother talks a lot with the child, respect her in her taste for food, make some menu with her and insist, without forcing, that the child try the food, but have the freedom to choose what to eat, but as long
Over time, he feels respected as a person, without being forced, without suffering violence (physical or psychological), will want to eat and will accept more easily, in combination with the mother, whatever is done to feed themselves. So that the children know to recognize the material value and the effort of the parents to conquer them
To talk always demonstrating without charge how much it is necessary to an adult strive to to have money; - Help the child manage his allowance (if he receives it), letting him decide by the way he wants to use it, but also with the consequences - when the child spends everything he or she has. What is appropriate is that she can wait and put the money back together, learning to wait, dealing with frustration, and recognizing her parents' love for her. - It is not healthy to give gifts to your child all the time.
He needs to be aware of the importance of a regulated (and not exaggerated) economy, as well as the importance of parents asking him for opinions about what he thinks would help to improve the family budget. value of friendships and the importance of sharing
This is a value that certainly starts at home. It is not the mother forcing the son to lend his favorite toy to the little friend who will develop in him the feeling of solidarity or sharing. It is natural for children to go through the stage of not wanting to share anything of their own with any friend, and in this case it is important for the mother and father to respect and understand their son's position and emotion and let him learn the to deal with the consequences of their attitude.
If the adults are emotionally well, calm and confident in the education they are giving to the child, it will all be nothing but a troubled and turbulent phase when closely followed by those responsible for the child, tends to calm down over time.
To avoid crying attacks and minor crises when something does not go the way they want.
Crying attacks and crises often should not be avoided, precisely because of the importance they compete. No human being gets everything he wants at a time he wants and when the little ones realize that they are not powerful either - because not only are things not what they want but they can not get parents to fulfill their desires unconditionally - it's the moment ideal so that they can slowly get in touch with reality and elaborate this feeling of omnipotence, so natural and expected in children. It is interesting to note that, in general, crises of crying and tantrums often leave parents ashamed - for the possible opinion of others (who do not even know them) that they are not good parents, than they are concerned about emotional and mental health or healthy development of the child.
The survey included responses from 4,171 randomly selected families who answered questionnaires when their children were six months, 12 months, and four and a half years old. We examined children who had three or more episodes of wheezing in the past year. This group was compared to children who did not have episodes of wheezing.
No more children as in the old days. No children, no parents, no mothers. In fact, there are no families as before ... In the last five decades the family composition has undergone vast changes and, it seems, have come to stay. Much has changed completely. After all, imagine that phrases such as "When your father arrives I will tell him everything!