Madrasta suffers less when she takes on her role

If on the one hand the popular imagination propagated the madam's a more realistic one, this woman tends to plague the new house. One of his most common dramas is having to face the rejection he suffers from his stepsons. In general, she assumes one of two strategies: to repeat the same habits as the mother of the children, which makes her disapproved for competing with her husband's ex-wife. The other posture is usually to become the best friend of the children, standing at the same level of them. Only then does she compete with the children for her husband's attention and, once again, she is disowned. Faced with frustrated attempts, the question remains: how to form a family in harmony in the face of so many conflicts? For specialists, the best step is for the stepmother to assume her true position, that of being the wife of the husband.

The number of women who have to face the challenge of being accepted by the partner's children only tends to grow. Statistics show that stepmothers are increasingly present in Brazilian homes. According to the Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics (IBGE), the number of single women who married divorced men grew by 60%, which shows that this is one of the new profiles of the Brazilian family.

According to family therapist Roberta Palermo, author of the book "100% Madrasta: Breaking the Prejudices" (Integrare Editora), formerly the stepmothers were the wife of the widower, who came to replace the absent mother and were superquered by stepchildren and well liked by society, after all, came to support orphaned children still sensitized. However, with the passage of the Divorce Law in 1977, and with shared custody, stepmothers take on other roles and, with a good soul that supports orphans, come to be seen as bad women who came to take the father from the mother's arms.

stepmother - photo: image bank

Delicate relationship

Part of the process of healthy living between stepmother and stepchild is that both sides understand that the reconstituted families go through the same conflicts as the biological families, according to the life stages of its components. "The aggravating factor in this situation of reconstitution lies in the internal expectations of each member, based on the myth of the parents' unconditional love." Therefore, cultivating harmony and affection through dialogue is usually the best solution. There are several - and complex - factors that interfere with the stepmother and stepchild relationship. According to the psychotherapist Margarete Volpi, the rejection by the children usually is by rebellion and by. "This is because of the interference of the biological mother, who tries to use her power of persuasion to convince the child that the stepmother was to blame for ending the marriage," says the specialist. ex-wife and insecurity are the most common causes. "Among the reasons that influence the relationship with the children of the husband are the anger and jealousy of the ex-wife, lack of affective bonds with the child, fear of not achieving the love of stepchildren, difficulty in imposing their authority and fear of to become boring and lose her husband, "says Margarete Volpi.

Conquering her space The philosopher Fernanda Carlos Borges, author of the book" The Woman of the Father "(Summus Editorial), defends the more intense and independent participation of the stepmother in the creation two stepchildren. According to her, the stepmother should not be the father's shadow. "Men are not attentive to the domestic emotional environment like women," he says.

The orientation is to put order in the house without fear of going through boring. For Fernanda, who is also a stepmother, this woman is among the adults responsible for children and therefore has a duty to educate.The therapist Roberta Palermo advises the stepmothers' present behavior in the lives of stepchildren, but in agreement with the children's father, because if things do not go well, they become even worse when the father disallows the stepmother in front of the children. According to the experiences of the Association of Stepmothers and Step-Mother-Mothers, of which she is a founder, the great dilemma of the new stepmother is to educate the son of the ex-wife without being able to reprimand or question wrong attitudes due to the overprotection of the husbands, who feel guilty and de-authorize them. "So it's important to combine everything from bedtime and meals to whether or not you can put your foot on the couch."

Actress Natalia Parzanese, 23, the stepdaughter Leticia, 8. For her, the relationship can be quite harmonious and frank. "It is possible to educate stepchildren, respecting the limits and values ​​that the child receives at home, from the biological mother, but transmitting theirs, which are from someone who cares for the child and cares about her education," she explains. > Practical handbook of the stepmother

Next, check out the tips of the experts to face rejection and assume the role of new wife of the father without needing to replace the mother's substitute or the stepmother's best friend:

- Do not talk bad the mother in front of the child. Even if the relationship with the ex-wife is not good, refrain. The child is always faithful to the parents

- Do not be the good girl on call. Like everyone else, you can be boring at times and cool at other

- Do not stimulate teasing. If the child says that the mother's food is better than her own, do not create friction and show interest in what she has to say, it will make her feel loved by you or at least she will realize that you are not there to cause confusion. Do not take this as a personal offense, for rebellion is against the situation, not only against you.

- Jealousy between children with a parent is very natural. The idea is not to enter into the clash and the dispute of attention. The more receptive you are, the more easily you will get your space.

- Conquer your space. It is important that every couple - father and son, stepmother and stepson or couple - have their moments alone to strengthen bonds and avoid jealousy. - If you have a friendly relationship with the children's mother, go to the school party, participate in each step of the life of stepchildren and show affection, because these are always excellent attitudes to be taken to live without crises. If the relationship between you is very harmonious, participate in a framework that does not invade the space of the biological mother. How about a surprise party at home. only between you?

- Never hit the child. Even if parents use this feature, children and society do not have the same ability to understand this as part of their stepmother.

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