Why do we explain so much to each other? See 6 reasons
Have you realized that when we talk to someone, we often end up justifying ourselves through a discourse based on the explanations of why we did or did not do what we are talking about? At first glance it may seem trivial to clarify our motives, but in many instances these explanations, as well as unnecessary ones, are of no interest to our interlocutor.
But if the other did not ask for explanation and is not interested in it, why do we have this habit?
Initially it may seem that we do it out of insecurity or to feel more comfortable because the opinion and approval of the other is important to us. Behind the habit of constantly justifying itself, however, there may be other factors involved. The main ones are:
- Fear of rejection / need for approval: Strangely enough, the fear of rejection is one of the main reasons why we justify ourselves so much. We are well received when we agree and therefore there is the fear of being rejected by exposing our opinion when it is contrary to what the other would expect.
- Low self-esteem / lack of confidence: Usually a person who does not trust herself has difficulty expressing any opinion or decision without the need to explain herself. She does not believe in herself, in her ideas, and is afraid of confrontation and rejection as well.
- Correspond to expectation: Another type of profile that is widely explained is that of people who live or grow under expectations very high and feel this need to feel under pressure. For example, people who are not allowed to err are explained in the correctness to try to show that they are not so good and in error, to be accepted.
- Insecurity: It is difficult to stand, to defend our point of view. sight and opinion when we do not feel secure with ourselves and our ideals. An insecure person is justified enough because he wants the other to confirm to himself that she is right.
- Concern for personal image: For narcissists, who are very concerned about their image towards others, the justifications are part of his speech.
- To avoid an embarrassing situation: Having to refuse an invitation can be an embarrassing situation in which depending on your the type of relationship and the degree of intimacy, it can be very difficult to have to give our answer without the need to justify it. Another embarrassing situation is with colleagues and bosses in the work environment.
Some people think that this habit shows great concern for the other, but in fact it reveals a greater concern with itself because it is related to the fear of rejection, of conflict and insecurity.
When you justify it becomes something exaggerated?
There are really cases where the explanation is important and makes us more cordial. For example, in the workplace it is important to justify yourself, and also in social situations, when you are late or need to deny an invitation. What becomes exhausting is when the person needs to justify himself always and at all times.
There are still those who, out of fear, lie to justify themselves. For example, the person lives according to his wishes and therefore arrives late, does not comply with the commitment and does not respond to what has been asked of him and presents wonderful arguments for this, which, however, are not real. The act of explaining your decisions all the time can be bad, because you can start to arouse doubts and insecurity in others and also because those who are afraid to put themselves and fear of displeasing do not live in freedom.The first step in reducing the amount of times you apologize is to realize that you do it and why. Then start policing and listening to the conversations so you can change and be yourself with more freedom.
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