Woman writes letter to husband's lover and psychologist explains about the trauma of betrayal

What would be a common day at work for Australian coaching Carlie Maree, 31, ended up transforming her whole life. She received an e-mail with the subject "Her husband," in which there was a text written by her lover's lover telling all the details about the relationship they kept hidden.

She, who has a two-year-old daughter with the ex, even attempted to re-establish the relationship with his daughter's father. The two did double therapy, but the efforts were not enough to overcome the betrayal. A little more than a year after the event, Carlie published this open letter to the woman who was the center of her separation:

"My daughter's best friend at day care has the same name as you, which means that I hear her I used to shiver when I listened to him.Although she was just a sweet little girl.Each time my daughter said how much fun it was to be with her, I must admit that I was relieved to be referring to her friend and not talking about you

A year ago, you pressed "send" in an email that had a monumental effect on the lives of several people. In mine, my husband's, my daughter's, our parents' I always wanted to know what went through your mind at that moment, how much of it was revenge against a man who hurt your heart and how much of that was you trying to do the right thing for his wife. with what you wrote it looked like it was made to cause You knew what a woman needed to hear to get to the point where your marriage did not come back, and you did it, blow by blow.

I'd like to know how much you know me. I know you've researched me online, read my blog, saw my photos. I wanted to know if you knew that the day I received the email with the subject "your husband", I was at work. Yes, that was what he was, and technically still is: my husband. I wanted to know if you referred to him as an ex-boyfriend now. It's so bizarre for me to think that this man I knew so intimately had someone else in my life that I did not even know.

And I can honestly say that I did not know. Probably should know. Surely I asked him, but deep down I did not think it could happen to us. We were like solid rocks, he and me. I really believed that. We had a six month old baby and he was away with a lot of work. Of course things were difficult and we were not as connected as before, but I needed him to stay with me until things got easier. It would have been, I believe, if you had not come up at that moment.

I'm not interested in blaming someone and I do not seem to be able to hate. I do not care who was to blame. I truly believe that things happen for a reason and there are several lessons in that for all of us. I can imagine how all this was for you, living in that small town. One night, a handsome guy went to his bar to drink. He knew how to be funny and charming, my husband. I can only imagine how you fell for him. When he went there every night, he must have said how difficult it was to have a baby at home, how he was not getting so much attention. All you had to do was listen to him, give him what he said he did not have, and as soon as he was yours. I understand you, I fell in love with him on the other side of the counter too.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it was an attempt for him to find in you what he lost in me. I was once a pretty blonde with a short skirt behind her favorite pub counter. Ten years later, I was the mother in yoga pants, gray wicks and dark circles for having to wake up every night to take care of a sick baby. He should love that version of me too. And he loved, but he missed the girl who now had no time to flatter him. That's what you gave him.

Somehow, I'm really grateful. I felt bad for him spending all those nights alone in a hotel, far from our family. But he was not alone, he was with you. He spent his birthday with you. You comforted him when we buried our beloved dog. I loved that man enough to feel grateful that he had been able to find love at the time, even though it was not where I expected it. Like that old cliché, you believed he would leave me. But he did not do it. And it made you sick. Our daughter got older, stopped being breastfed and started to sleep. He began to review that woman he had fallen in love with for years. He wanted to make it work with his wife, his family. I bet it hurt you. You had a choice: you could let him move on and try to make his marriage work or you could take everything from him. You chose the second option.

In the end, we tried to rearrange the parts, but it did not work. It was different. It was the details that did it. Those words and images etched in my mind ... I believe you knew they were going to cause me this. We're fine now, me and him. In fact, somehow, we are closer than ever. We learn so much about each other in this process. Although each one has moved on, we still have love and respect for each other, which has a positive effect on our little girl. No one will break it. I hope you have moved on with your life. I hope you have learned something from this situation and that you can find peace with yourself as I have. Psychologist Anna Hirsch Burg explains that infidelity, triggering many conflicts and disruptions in relationships, is one of the factors that drives people to seek emergency help. The pain of being betrayed is, alongside mourning, one of the greatest sufferings of the human being, for it makes the inclusion of a third in the plot of the couple and inaugurates the sad discovery that the loved one is able to do with Another person, an alliance of which we are excluded.

Therapy, whether individual or couple, can somehow shed light on some gloomy issues that affect and disrupt the unfolding of relationships. There is always a possibility of the person repositioning himself in the relationship with the other, drawing from this experience a more healthy, less troubled coexistence, without losing sight of the fact that there is no relation without conflict.

Check the complete article of the expert on inf idelity.

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